A Quiet Threshold: Uncovering Avoidance, Trauma, and the Power of Yoga Nidra
What looked like procrastination was, in truth, protection.
Lately, something long-held has come into the light.
While working through my taxes — something I’d put off for years — I began experiencing intense back pain. What seemed like a logistical task became a portal into something much deeper. A pattern I hadn’t fully seen before was being revealed: avoidance.
Not of life. I’ve lived a full and vibrant life — travelled, taught, created, connected. But there have been specific areas where something seemed to freeze: money, systems, a fear of stepping into fruitful income, a tendency to freeze at the brink of something new, and avoidance in relationships.
Until recently, I wasn’t aware I was avoiding. This pattern had been quietly buried in my subconscious — deeply embedded, hidden beneath layers of high-functioning and presence. It’s only now that I can see it clearly — where it has played out, how it shaped my relationship to responsibility, and how it quietly dictated so many choices.
Uncovering it has felt raw — but also incredibly liberating. Because now that I can see it, I can begin to wrap a warm, compassionate embrace around it — to say, in the softest words: I see you. I’m ready to converse with you, so I’m no longer at your mercy.
This isn’t just insight — it’s an opportunity to break a long-standing pain pattern that I didn’t know existed.
This recognition came not through thinking, but through the welcoming of feelings of overwhelm & investigating it through self inquiry:
A powerful heart kriya that invited strong emotion forward — emotion that was meant to be felt, not managed. In order to heal it , we have to feel it.
A subtle but potent practice passed down through the lineage of Yogananda and my root teacher Rod Stryker, which helped settle the emotional charge without suppressing it.
And a self-healing image Yoga Nidra, which unhooked the attatchment to the feelings & unlocked the clenching & grip in my upper back and neck.
This is the heart of Tantra — not bypassing difficulty, but letting the subtle practices reveal your inner limitations so you can understand them, converse with them, and no longer let them run your life. In this way, you become more powerful & in turn begin to master your mind.
What I now see is that this freeze was a nervous system response — often found in those who grew up with instability, fear, or, like me, growing up in an environment where domestic violence & emotional abuse was charged.
. It wasn’t resistance. It was a form of protection.
But this isn’t the whole story.
I’ve also experienced many waves of stepping forward — of not avoiding. I’ve built things, led with clarity, and acted when it mattered. That capacity has come from the path of Tantra now alive in the fabric of my life — with meditation, contemplation & Yoga Nidra at its epicentre.
This practice continues to help me meet fear without collapse, to soften patterns without force, and to return to a quiet, steady power that lives within all of us.
It’s not about perfection. It’s about slowly seeing what's been hidden, understanding how it’s shaped me, and meeting it with compassion and renewed capacity.
What I’d long called overwhelm or resistance could in fact be connected to patterns often found in complex PTSD — especially in those who grew up in environments shaped by fear or unpredictability.
This insight is still unfolding, and I’m in the process of seeking professional support to explore it further. But already, something in me feels clearer. The pieces are starting to fit.
Where Resolution Begins
Not in effort.
Not in trying to fix or push through.
But in rest.
Not because something is broken, but because there is wisdom in pausing. In deep, compassionate inquiry, we begin to resolve what has quietly lived within us. We listen more closely — not through over-analysis, but by resting in the witness — and in that listening, we become less at the mercy of old patterns and more anchored in how we choose to respond.
As Thích Nhất Hạnh once wrote: "Silence is essential. We need silence just as much as we need air, just as much as plants need light. If our minds are crowded with words and thoughts, there is no space for us."
Yoga Nidra has become the centre of my path — because it meets the nervous system where it is. Not with force, but with permission. It creates the conditions where safety can slowly return. Where the body, once braced, can begin to soften.
Through this practice, I’ve been able to:
Witness these patterns without shame — not through over-analysis, but by resting in the witness
Access deeper layers of self-regulation
Create a life that feels anchored in clarity — no longer at the mercy of illusion or self-doubt, but gradually stepping into a higher octave of response and action
And recently, this long-hidden pattern has begun to thaw — not through force, but through quiet listening.
Making it visible after all this time has felt both raw and revolutionary. I can now trace the subtle ways it has shaped my life, the places it held me back, and the small but meaningful shifts that have begun to unfold. There’s a quiet liberation in this clarity — and a sense that movement, true movement, is finally possible.
And in this space, I feel called to name the quiet power of tradition — the living wisdom that flows through teachings passed down with care. When these teachings become enlivened in the fabric of your life, everything begins to change. Yoga Nidra is not just a practice. It has been, for me, a saving grace — a portal back to what is real and steady within.
Why I Share This Now
Because I know I’m not alone.
There are so many of us carrying the imprint of early experiences that made us feel unsafe in our own bodies or in the world.
And often, these imprints manifest in ways we don’t immediately understand — in avoidance, in shutdown, in resistance to what we most desire to engage with.
If that’s you, I want you to know:
There’s nothing wrong with how you’ve coped.
There’s wisdom in the ways you survived.
And there comes a time — gentle and true — when your system may begin to feel… ready.
Ready to move.
Ready to receive.
Ready to rest.
This is the threshold I find myself on.
And it’s from here I share.